Monday, January 30, 2012

I Guess Mommies Need to be Healthy Too, Right?

Today has been all about taking care of me, which rarely happens around here. I usually put my own health off until I'm so sick that I can't move. I suppose you could say that's acceptable considering I have two kids to chase after and keep organized, buuuut, it's really not acceptable.

So, after a long weekend of taking Liv to the Dr and then to the hospital's triage for a persistent Asthma issue, today was my turn. I know this is my blog about living with food allergies and our struggles, but really, this is a HUGE struggle for me. I never know when to say "enough" and make my own health a priority...that's about to change. I've made a commitment, not just to myself, but also to my children that I will be sure to be in the best health possible - in order to give them the best version of me that I can.

My journey started today, with a full on physical (I know you're jealous!) and well, it's going to be a bumpy ride as I have some serious changes to make - my sleep and eating habits are the first on the chopping block (ugh!!). I'd love to know how many other mom's like me (to sick kiddos and healthy alike), just don't put the effort into ourselves as we should be. I wonder how many mother's (again, to sick or healthy kiddos) like me, have found they've developed a serious case of anxiety.

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Guess it's time to cut back a bit on this.....

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And time to eat a bit more like this!

My anxiety levels are hit or miss, from the everyday worries of all the random things that "COULD" happen, all the way to the all out panic attack. If you've ever had a panic attack, you know what kind of stress that brings on. Yes, I've been in ER's a few times *swearing* to all that is good, that I'm having a heart attack. My heart is racing, my skin is clammy, pressure in my chest, hard to breathe, almost blacking out and just clawing to get outside to fresh air. It is the craziest thing I can ever imagine going through...I guess, literally (ha!). As soon as the Dr's get you calmed enough to tell you that your vitals are perfect, you're oxygen is just fine...if you're me, you laugh and just feel plain stupid.

In reality this isn't stupid at all, and it's very real for some of us. Today, it was real enough that my Dr did put me on daily medication for this. I begged her not to, but she really wants to try the lowest dose and see how I feel in a month. If I don't like it, she'll never bug me again...okay, that was a fair enough deal and now...I guess I'm officially one of the millions of people on this stuff. I'm bothered by this, and yet, I'm excited. I feel like I might have a "mental freedom" coming my way. I know that I'll never be worry free, especially when it comes to my children, but wow...to find myself again - just an amazing opportunity! I guess we'll all have to stay tuned for a month or so to see the outcome of this new journey!


**Yes, sometimes I probably share too much about myself, but in the spirit of being transparent about our life (struggles, blessings, day to day and all), I've promised I'd share it all....**

Friday, January 27, 2012

Sometimes My Patience Does Run Thin......

If you know me on a personal level, you know that I'm often inappropriate, but probably rarely to a stranger. I have no care in the world for being "PC" because I have common sense and believe that means I should have common courtesy. I believe that when one practices common courtesy they should not run into a situation that isn't exactly "PC". I could be way off here and quite a bit more inappropriate than I give myself credit for - who knows.

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What? This is me taking life seriously, ha!

What I do know is that there are several things that are said to me (yep, repeatedly enough that I have a collection of them), that I am just over. Here is my smallish (maybe? It's growing by the day you know) list of things that continue to spike my blood pressure for a small moment in time.

"Oh, the *poor* girl/*you* poor child." (do NOT say this to my child directly, ever...unless you prefer that I shred your words and hand them back to you...).

(Start with sad looking face) "Wow, Billie - she looks just awful." Wow, okay...thank you - I think? I don't know if it's validation folks want to give or what...but they should keep that, seriously.

"So, what do you *feed* her exactly? I mean, can she even eat anything?" Well, as most children do, she *does* in fact eat and a ton at that.

"The girl should probably be in a bubble." You know what...screw you (forgive me, I'm vulgar at times and that was mild).

"I just don't know how you do it, you're supermom." This doesn't bother me, so much as baffles me. I never know just how to reply to it. My lack of general sense of emotion with others might be my own issue here though. I just feel I do what any mother or parent would do in my situation...face it head on and go with it. Right?

"Miss, the 'sick waiting room' is over there...." Yep, this was just last week as a matter of fact, mid reaction. If only my filter on my mouth didn't work so well. I talk a big game, but at the end of the day, I just quietly mess with people...I just smiled at her and continued to sit where we were, she got uncomfortable, apparently and moved. Meh, whatever.

"Oh she'll grow out of it, I had a cousin with a [insert any random allergy here] and she/he got rid of it." What? Are you kidding me with this? What could I possibly do with this? This does not give one hope, it makes us feel that You. So. Do. Not. Get. It. You should just move on and go about your business at this point. In all honesty, don't you think we know this is possible and probably know the possibility of our own child outgrowing their allergies? Most of us are not in this blindly (I would HOPE).

Now, back to me not worrying about being "PC"...if I know you and you've said any of these things to me, I've probably corrected/steered the conversation. Chances are, I'm not offended either, honestly. It's the stranger aspect that kills me. I have never understood the random stranger offering unsolicited and *uneducated* advice and/or sympathy.

Well, I'm tired and have a Dr appt to get Liv to tomorrow. Oh, you didn't think that because it's a weekend that we get breaks from these things, did ya?

Goodnight and as always, thanks for letting me rant/vent/ramble or whatever else this can be classified as doing.

1.5 Years? That is a Lifetime in the Blog World, I know!

It's 7:00 AM and I'm looking at Liv's meds all lined up nice and neat on the counter. Each med is in it's correct dose and just waiting for her to finish her breakfast. If you don't already know this by now, living in an allergic world means living in a super controlled and organized world (neither are traits that I have a handle on...at all). Living in an allergic world means upping Liv's Probiotic intake during times of high med days. It means learning what Probiotics *are* and what they *do* in the first place. There's plenty more of these fun little nuances, but I'll get to those...and I mean it this time - I actually will!

Now, that was a small blurb and I know what some of you are thinking, where the heck do you get off starting up again like you never left us?! I know! A year and a half is a lifetime in the blog world, I get it. So much has gone on and so many things have happened that I need to share. Liv's trials have, unfortunately, not ended and we are still striving to make each and every day a good and uneventful one! Most of you keep up with me personally on Facebook and thank goodness for that! You know the big stories, but I probably haven't given too much of a look inside and I'll take care of that here. I did plan on making this blog about living with the challenges that we do, as a single parent, but truth be told...single, married or heck - village, this life is hard and not much makes it easier. So, here you have me again, just sharing, spilling and rambling on again.

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The most recent picture of the kids together.

There aren't a lot of loose ends to tie together on the most recent (yeah, a freaking year and a half ago, recent...ha) post, so I won't bother with the small details. I will say the only part that is really missing, is the part about one of Liv's nurses completely that Liv was having a rebound reaction up on the patient floor. The lesson learned is to BE YOUR CHILD'S BEST ADVOCATE - you are all they have fighting for them at times and they need you to buck up and SPEAK UP sometimes - even when you're unsure of yourself and what you're doing.

I'm going to be organizing some thoughts this evening and will get some posts put together to add here and get things caught up. Thanks for bearing with me, all!